Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut
When Cartman doesn't show up for school for several days, Stan, Kyle and Kenny ditch class and visit his house to see what's wrong. They find him in his backyard, holding a tea party with dolls and stuffed animals. The boys are so disturbed that, instead of making fun of Cartman, they consult Mr. Mackey about what to do. He tells the boys to videotape a tea party so he can study it. The boys happily comply.
Later, Cartman asks his mom who his father is. She says she "met" him eight years earlier at the Twelfth Annual Drunken Barn Dance. The problem, as Cartman soon discovers, is that his mother seems to have slept with quite a few people that night including Chef and Mr. Garrison.
Cartman, furious, confronts Mr. Garrison at a local watering hole. His teacher admits he might have had sex with his mother, but so did a lot of other people. He challenges anyone in the packed bar who hadn't had sex with Cartman's mom to fess up. Nobody -- not even Jesus -- does so.
Dr. Mephesto says he can do a DNA test to find out who among the many, many candidates is Cartman's real dad. But it will cost $3,000. Dejected, Cartman tells Stan and Kyle about the search for his father, and despairs as to how he'll raise the money for the test. Stan and Kyle, against their better judgment, tell him they sent in a tape to the TV show America's Stupidest Home Videos, which has made the finals for a $10,000 best-video prize. They offer to cut him in.
Cartman is at first grateful. He's less grateful when he sees they've sent in footage of one of his tea parties. The video loses to a tape shot by Stan's grandpa of Kenny being run over by a train.
However it does get a $3,000 runner-up prize, which is enough for the DNA test. Dr. Mephesto reveals the results at his lab, which is packed with all the potential dads, including Officer Barbrady, Chef, Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Ned, Chief Running Water, Gerald Brovlofski (Kyle's dad), Dr. Mephesto and his "friend," Kevin, and the entire 1989 Denver Broncos.
The show then ends with a teaser, saying the answer will come on the next episode.
"What? Son of a bitch!" Cartman rails.
What I Learned Today
"Wow, I always knew Cartman's mom was a slut, but God damn!"
- "Oh Chief, I want your hot manchowder." Liane Cartman
- "We're sorry your mom's a whore, dude." Stan
- "And, sometimes, the man puts his Hoo-Hoo Dilly in the woman's Cha Cha." Liane Cartman
- "I was just down in the SPC kicking it with some G's on the west side." Cartman
- "Boy, what the fudge are you doing?!" Chef
- "I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOOWWWW!!!" Cartman
- "Oh my god, they videotaped killing Kenny!" Stan
Just Kenny, who's dragged onto the railroad tracks by a runaway go-kart and then run over by a train.
Behind The Scenes
Pop Culture References
America's Stupidest Home Videos is a takeoff of America's Funniest Home Videos.
On this episode, Jay Leno guest stars as "Kitty". He has three lines, all of which are cat noises.
The lustful song "Like a Throbbing Star " plays every time Cartman's mom "falls in love". This is a rip on the song "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic.
Bob Saget, who's portrayed as the smarmy, unfunny host of a lame video clip show
A fake commercial for a Terrence and Phillip cartoon, Not Without My Anus, is shown. This was actually the next episode shown. It premiered on April 1, 1998, and was offered as an April Fool's joke to fans waiting to find out who Cartman's dad was.
At Cartman's tea party, we meet Polly Prissypants, Rumper Tumpskin, Peter Panda, and Clyde Frog (Cartman later calls Clyde Frog "the best stuffed animal he ever had" in Die Hippie, Die.
These stuffed animals will all make appearances in future. Peter Panda looks an awful lot like Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda mascot, who we meet in Sexual Harassment Panda.
When Cartman is all thugged out, he has a knuckle ring that reads "PIE". He's also wearing a clock around his neck, much like rapper Flavor Flav of Public Enemy.
Cartman uses the F word for the first time in this episode.