Cows Football Players
These are South Park's football players, lead by their start quarterback Stan Marsh, and they have on dream: beat the spread. With the help of their coach Jerome "Chef" McElroy, they might just have a shot. They all had nice helmets from the school, except Phillip "Pip" Pirrup because it would've been unfair to the other children, but now each student has a helmet... but there's no kickoffs. Jimbo Kern and Ned Gerblansky are big fans of the team, and try to help them win as they can. Their games are commentated upon by Frank Hammond and Phil, the former of whom has a bad habit of making off-color comments.
- Although the football team has been referenced, and likely has the same composition as the Cows Sarcastaball Team, the traditional Football team hasn't been seen since the show's first season!