Fat Butt and Pancake Head
Cartman wins a Cultural Diversity Day contest for his report on "the important role of Latinos in the arts." He presents a ventriloquist act -- a mouth and two eyes drawn on his left fist, which he refers to as "Ms. Lopez." Ms. Lopez speaks nonstop about her love for tacos and burritos, and Cartman's presentation easily beats Kyle's vastly more well-researched effort.
Soon Ms. Lopez takes on a life of her own. She records a music video that gets the attention of the real Jennifer Lopez's record company, which decides to fire J-Lo and hire the new "girl." Naturally J-Lo doesn't take this very well. She and her then-boyfriend, Ben Affleck, turn up in South Park. She gets into a fight with Cartman's hand, while Affleck falls in love with it.
The situation rapidly deteriorates. Ms. Lopez records a successful single, then keeps Cartman up at all hours, writing songs and practicing her "dancing." Even worse, she starts a torrid love affair with Affleck. One morning Cartman wakes up to find Affleck naked in his bed, with his "spooge" all over Ms. Lopez. And to top it off, Ms. Lopez and Affleck announce that they're getting married.
Desperate, Cartman turns to the other boys for help. Stan is at least willing to entertain the idea that Cartman has gone insane, but Kyle thinks it's just another con. They turn their backs on him, leaving Cartman to deal with the situation himself. He tries to simply walk away from the mess, only to be confronted by: Record Execs threatening a lawsuit if Ms. Lopez doesn't complete her album; a love-smitten Affleck; and a chainsaw-wielding, completely insane J-Lo.
They chase Cartman onto a bridge, where Ms. Lopez reveals that she's really Mitch Connor -- a con artist who, out of shame for his actions, has taken a cyanide pill. He then "dies," leaving Cartman in full possession of his left hand.
J-Lo is taken away by the police and the rest of Ms. Lopez's pursuers leave. Although he's still skeptical, Kyle admits that maybe -- just maybe -- "something I don't understand" happened to Cartman. Only to have Cartman point and laugh, "I got you kinda! I got you kinda!" The real Jennifer Lopez, broke and defeated, is last seen working at a La Taco.
What I Learned Today
"I've been a cheater all my life. And now I've ruined a singer's career, lost a record company millions, and cost this little boy his precious time."
- "My name is Hennifer Lopez. I eat tacos y burritos." (Ms. Lopez)
- "Cultural Diversity Day kicks ass!" (Cartman)
- "My kisses taste like tacos." (Ms. Lopez)
- "Okay, what smart-mouthed little punk-ass bitch has been saying they're the new Jennifer Lopez, huh?" (Jennifer Lopez)
- "Hola, bitchola!" (Ms. Lopez)
- "Shut up, picante pants!" (Police Officer)
- "Don't be fooled by all my money, I still like to eat tacos honey So crispy on the outside, so super good and yummy." (Ms. Lopez)
- "Ms. Lopez, would you like to give Kyle a kiss?" (Cartman)
- "Don't think because I gotta lot of money, I won't give you taco flavored kisses honey. I'm gonna fulfill all your wishes with my taco flavored kisses." (Ms. Lopez's song "Taco-Flavored Kisses")
- "You can suck my coolo, chicka!!" (Ms. Lopez)
- "And don't forget the hot sauce, cholo." (Ms. Lopez)
- "Mmm, just like tacos." (Ben Affleck after kissing Ms. Lopez)
- "Your son appears to be completely insane." (Dr. Doctor)
- "Awww!! Ben Affleck's spooge!" (Cartman)
- "Mostly, I'm sorry to you, Ben. I'm sorry I played tiddlywinks with your heart." (Mitch Conner)
Ms. Lopez, and Mitch Connor, the con "man" supposedly responsible for the Ms. Lopez hoax. We also meet the real Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, as well as the three BHI Record Executives.
"Mitch Connor," the small-time grifter allegedly possessing Cartman's hand. He takes a cyanide pill and disappears into the wind.
Ms. Lopez (Cartman's hand puppet) gets signed to BHI Records and records several spicy hits: "Taco-Flavored Kisses," "Run For The Border," "I Love You Ben," and "Can I Have Your Tacos?"
Behind The Scenes
Where Did The Idea Come From
At the time, everyone was fed up with the Affleck/Lopez romance. Also, Matt and Trey had for a long time wanted to give Cartman a hand puppet.
Pop Culture References
Ms. Lopez bears a strong resemblance to a fist puppet named Johnny that was created by a Spanish puppeteer and Ed Sullivan Show regular named Seor Wences. There was a similar puppet in the film The In-Laws. In Ms. Lopez's dream sequence, we see her on the cover of three magazines: Peeps, Belle Beauty, and Vague -- parodies of real magazines People, Belle, and Vogue. Later, Ben and Ms. Lopez's forbidden romance appears on the cover of The National Inquisition, a joke on The National Inquirer. The cover of the Inquisition also has a picture of Yoko Ono, who was last seen in "World Wide Recorder Concert."
Jennifer Lopez and her boyfriend-at-the-time, Ben Affleck. J-Lo is portrayed as a bitchy hack. While writing songs for Ms. Lopez, Cartman notes, "Your style of music is so easy, it doesn't require any thought at all!" Ben Affleck comes across as an equally useless. "I've been meaning to write a song or a poem, but I have no talent," he confesses to Ms. Lopez.
This is actually Ben Affleck's second South Park turn. He first appeared in "How to Eat with Your Butt," as the long-lost son of two people with butts for faces. In that episode, he was portrayed using a cutout of the real Affleck's face -- unlike this episode, in which he's fully animated.
In the front window of the UR Da Star music video store, there's the black top-hat/hair worn by Slash in "I'm A Little Bit Country" ; on the wall are pictures of Phil Collins (from "Timmy 2000") and Elton John (from "Chef Aid" and "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig").
J-Lo's license plate reads "SPICY"; Ben Affleck's is "AWESOME."
In a scene that Matt and Trey still can't believe they got past the network, Ms. Lopez gives Affleck a handjob.