George R. R. Martin
This famous author of fantasy novels lives almost completely undisturbed in his New Mexico home, writing his books and mercilessly killing characters that everyone knows and loves. You also won't find another human alive who's more obsessed with wieners, or "wennies", than George R. R. Martin - and he prefers the floppy and gay ones, since they're non-threatening, according to Butters Stotch. He also prefers riding horses to other modes of transportation for similarly phallic reasons. He makes a rare public appearance at the South Park Mall where his obsession becomes his downfall as a shopper kills him for exposing himself to them all for a poem. He has a habit of promising things that haven't arrived yet but don't worry, they're coming, they're on their way.
- "They're coming, they're on their way!" (A Song of Ass and Fire)
- "Look at this wiener. Judge it by its size? Rub it three times and it has a surprise." (Titties and Dragons)
- The real George R. R. Martin briefly commented on his appearance in the show during an interview, insisting he prefers "boobies" over "weenies".