Go God Go XII
We return to the Time Child's atheistic adventures with this next installment of "Go God Go." Our story resumes as Cartman -- riding with a clan of sea otters on the backs of ostriches -- visits the ancient Museum of Technology in New New Hampshire to acquire the world's last remaining Wii console. He finally finds the precious Wii -- and immediately beams away from the sea otters. This double-cross against the otters has provided the United Atheist Alliance with crucial wartime information, and more importantly for Cartman, a Nintendo Wii which he's now waited 500 years to play. But Cartman soon discovers that the gaming system is completely incompatible with 26th century viewing screens. Disgusted, he uses a special device called the Crank Prank Time Phone (designed to let children make crank calls to people in the past) to call his own time and get someone, anyone, to prevent him from freezing himself. Unfortunately, no one -- least of all his past self, whom he refers to as an "asshole" -- believes him. For the moment he remains stuck in the atheistic future -- a future, he learns, that was shaped primarily by Richard Dawkins and his wife, Garrison. Yet the pacifistic, God-free future they imagined never came to be. God is certainly gone, but the various atheistic factions keep right on fighting. Their current cause du jour is over something they call "the great question." Things come to a head when the United Atheist Alliance decides to attack the clam fields of the Allied Atheist Alliance (the sea otters). However the otters are on to them. They plan to lure the forces of the United Atheist League into attacking, then wipe out both the UAL and the UAA in a surprise attack.
As the three warring factions all commence their attacks on one another, Cartman desperately makes one more call to the past. He reaches Dawkins and Garrison, who are in the middle of having sex. Almost by accident, he mentions to Dawkins that his "girlfriend" used to be a man. This key piece of information instantly ends their relationship, which changes the future radically. Suddenly the three formerly warring factions are now at peace. Cartman is beamed back to the 21st century, where he vows to patiently wait the three weeks until the Wii console debuts. Until he discovers that the time machine overshot, returning him a full two months before the Wii comes out. Suddenly he receives a phone call from his future self, telling him to definitely not do the thing he's thinking of doing. Cartman hangs up.
What I Learned Today
"Tell everyone in the past for us, that no one single answer . . . is ever the answer."
- "Kill the table eaters! In the name of almighty science!" (Hartsol)
- "I've been waiting for 500 years to play Nintendo Wii, and if I don't play soon, I'm going to bust a nut!" (Cartman)
- "I will suck your balls Kyle. Stop me from freezing myself, and I will get on my knees and I will suck your balls." (Cartman)
- "I will personally kill the Time Child and eat his entrails on my tummy!" (Blavius)
- "SCIENCE DAMN YOU, TIME CHILD!!" (Blavius)
- "Suck my balls, K-10. I'm not in the mood." (Cartman)
- "Crank Prank Time Phone is not intended for use by otters." (Narrator)
- "HAIL SCIENCE!!" (Otters)
- "How reasonable is it to eat off of wood instead of your tummy?!" (Hartsol)
- "Oh yeah! I'm a monkey!! Give this monkey what she wants!!" (Ms. Garrison)
Blavius, the leader of the sea otters with the pendant on his head, and Hartsol, his right-hand-otter with the glass screen over his eye. Lastly, we meet Young Shpeck -- son of Unified Atheist League's leader Shpeck, who was killed in the last episode. There's also the Time Child's various robotic "pets," including a robot dog named K-10, a robot cat named KIT-9, and a robot bird called KOK-A-3.
Innumerable humans and otters slaughtered in the wars between the Unified Atheist League, the United Atheist Alliance, and the Allied Atheist Alliance. Also, The Wise One -- the oldest, most intelligent sea otter. His insightful speech to the AAA on God and peace gets him mauled to death by his own army.
During the commercial for the high-tech toy, we hear the upbeat, Mattel-esque theme for "Crank Prank Time Phone
Behind The Scenes
Where Did The Idea Come From
Trey and Matt wanted it to look like Cartman had been in the future for quite a while -- hence the episode being titled "Go God Go XII" instead of "Go God Go II." At first they hadn't a clue about the story, other than that they wanted to have otters riding ostriches. Ultimately, they elected to nail two points: That the idea of a peaceful atheistic society is absurd, because people will always fight; and that the super-smart people who advocate atheism often lack basic common sense -- just like Richard Dawkins, who somehow misses the fact that Garrison used to be a dude.
Pop Culture References
The theme and opening credits montage from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, which was used in episode one, is reprised for the opening of Part XII. Many other elements from Buck Rogers are parodied throughout as well, such as calling the ruined city "New New Hampshire" (almost all cities in the show had the prefix "New"). The opening shot with the overgown ruins of a city is an homage to classic films Planet of the Apes and Logan's Run. Also, the United Atheist Alliance's control room is loosely modeled after the battle room from the new Battlestar Galactica TV series. In the "Games of Our Ancestors" section of the Museum of Technology, there are a number of real gaming systems on display. Most notably: a first generation Nintendo, Nintendo Game Cube, Nintendo Wii, and a Dancin' Dancin' Dancin' Machine (last seen in "You Got F'd in the A").
Cartman's Crank Prank Time Phone is made by Zazbro, a play on Hasbro. We see a commercial for Glade Monvert Cleaner, a product that apparently makes your Mingey sparkle like never before. Also, you can briefly see a picture of Garrison's parents hanging in his living room. We met these non-child-molesting folks in "World Wide Recorder Concert."