During a memorial service at the South Park Farmer's Market for nine people who were killed when they were run over by an elderly woman driver, an old man loses control of his car and decimates the crowd of mourners. Shortly thereafter, an old couple searching for the Country Kitchen Buffet runs off a bridge and manages to kill a fisherman in the middle of a river. The rising body count causes the state DMV to consider suspending the licenses of people over 70.
The seniors don't take kindly to this attack on their rights, and hold a mass meeting at the Park County Community Center to plan their response. When the meeting lets out, the resulting wave of elderly drivers sends the town into a panic. The senior drivers kill another 14 pedestrians and rack up $3 million in property damage as they head home.
The DMV pulls the old peoples' licenses. However, Stan's grandpa doesn't get the memo. He's arrested for driving illegally and thrown in jail. Furious, he contacts the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) for help. But instead of sending lawyers or social workers, the organization sends a huge paratrooper army of old people to take South Park by force. The AARP announces that if the seniors don't get their licenses back (plus more Medicare and a ban on kids who skateboard on the sidewalk), they'll start killing hostages.
The boys escape into the forest to start a resistance movement. Cartman suggests they cut off the old people's food supply by shutting down their favorite restaurant, Country Kitchen Buffet. They infiltrate the eatery and lock the doors from the inside. Within hours, the elderly force collapses from hunger. The Army reclaims the town and frees its citizens.
The Marsh family realizes that, even though lots of people died, they all learned something. Namely that Stan's dad should stop treating his own father like a child, and that Grandpa Marsh needs to stop killing people with his car.
What I Learned Today
"I guess sometimes us seniors need to know when to stop driving so we don't put the responsibility on our families."
- "I think old people should have rights, Grandpa. I just don't wanna die." (Stan)
- "Get off the streets! Get off the streets! Old people are driving!" (Stan's dad)
- "Guys, I don't know if I ever told you this, but, well, I love you guys. Except for you, Kyle." (Cartman)
- "You just try taking me to jail, scrotum head! You just try!" (Grandpa Marsh)
- "Kiss my sagging ass!" (Grandpa Marsh)
- "Dude, I hate my family." (Stan)
- "Now can anybody remember what we're pissed off about?" (Grandpa Marsh)
- "I am sick of having my mental condition come into question!" (Old Woman)
- "I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body." (Cartman)
- "Looks like Stan's dad's been hittin' the bottle again." (Cartman)
- "Statistically speaking, we're safer inside the car with an old person driving, than outside." (Kyle)
- "Old people have gone mad!!" ((Cartman)
- "Mrs. Ryland, seniors are taking over the town. Would you like a gun?" (Old Woman in Nursing Home)
- "They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning -- they get everything done before anybody else is even awake." (Stan's dad)
- "We'll start off by sneaking into town, cleverly disguised as black people." (Cartman)
Countless souls run over by careless elderly drivers and gunned down by the AARP. Also a number of elderly folks who died of starvation after the Country Kitchen Buffet was padlocked.
Behind The Scenes
Where Did The Idea Come From
The story was inspired by a horrific 2003 incident in which an elderly man drove his car through a farmers market in Santa Monica, California, killing 10 people. Also, Trey said, "We kind of wanted to make a show that just kind of ripped on old people."
Pop Culture References
The AARP invasion and its aftermath are lifted from the 1984 Cold War-era film Red Dawn. Also, when an old guy says, "You can take our licenses but you'll never take our pride," it references a similar line in the 1995 film Braveheart. The scene (and the accompanying music) in which the lone fisherman in Stark's Pond is killed by a pair of elderly drivers is a parody of the classic film Jaws. Also, there's a nod to the fright-flick Friday the 13th -- when Randy and the boys are running through the spooky old house, they open a door only to find a dead, slashed-up body.
The plot pivots on a restaurant franchise called Country Kitchen Buffet, which serves as the seniors' unofficial meeting place. This is a parody of the restaurant chain Old Country Buffet, which is popular among the elderly. Cartman states that when a restaurant was closed in a nearby town, the entire population of seniors quickly starved. Cartman says, "Mostly hippies go to farmer's markets. Mostly." This is an homage to the line "They mostly come at night. Mostly." from the horror flick Aliens. Cartman also used this line in "Cat Orgy." Lastly, Grandpa Marsh's first name is revealed to be Marvin.