A strange actor-turned-scientist who uses strange, hairbained connections to solve problems, Jeff Goldbum helps Jerome "Chef" McElroy decode the alien probe inside Eric Cartman's ass. He makes the stunning discovery that Earth is an intergalactic reality show but people don't react quite as planned. He also participates in the annual Harvest by assisting in the murder of Britney Spears.
- "Candy bars. They usually come in a wrapper. Just like you... wrap a Christmas present. Christmas happens when it's cold. Cold, as in Alaska - that's... with polar bears. Polar bears... pola... polarity!" (Cancelled)
- "Butt sex requires a lot of lubrication, right? Lubrication. Lubruh... Chupuh... Chupacabra 's the, the goat killer of Mexican folklore. Folklore is stories from the past that are often fictionalized. Fictionalized to heighten drama. Drama students! Students at colleges usually have bicycles! Bi, bian, binary. It's binary code!" (Cancelled)