Lil' Crime Stoppers
The boys form a detective club -- the South Park Junior Detectives -- and set about town asking if anyone needs a crime solved, for a dollar. An old woman commisions them to find a missing cherry pie, and they develop an elaborate, bone-chilling story about how her husband planned to kill her with a hammer and dismember her corpse so he could get the pie. Turns out, the family dog stole it.
Their next case concerns a little girl named Sarah who lost her doll. While checking her room for clues, another group of kids pretending to be FBI agents storm in. Acting on the theory that fake FBI agents outrank fake local cops, they kick the boys off the case.
Undeterred, the boys vow to find the doll before the FBI kids do. They interrogate Butters, then demand that he provide a semen sample. Butters has no idea how to do this, so they explain the process and leave him in Cartman's bathroom to work things out. Then, acting on a tip, they locate the stolen doll, which Fosse and Bill are using to play "Gynecologist." Sarah's mother is so impressed by their work that she tells the Park County Police Department, which makes the boys Junior Detectives.
Their first assignment as Junior Detectives: take down a meth lab on the outskirts of town. As soon as they arrive, the lab's occupants open fire, inadvertently killing themselves along with numerous bystanders. The takedown angers some members of the force, most of whom are corrput. The kids are given a chance to "redeem themselves" by visiting a strip bar run by a crime syndicate. Another massive gunfight breaks out, exterminating both the crooks and the crooked cops. The boys survive the showdown unscathed.
In honor of their service, they're promoted to full Detectives. But the boys are done with police work and go back to playing "Laundromat" in Cartman's basement. Butters (who has been in the upstairs bathroom this whole time) bursts in to tell them that after two days of relentless masturbation, he was finally able to produce a semen sample by thinking about Stan's mom's boobs. Cartman asks if he'd like his pants cleaned for $4.95.
What I Learned Today
"Kenny, it doesn't go 'Pakew! Pakew!', it goes 'BANG BANG BANG!'"
- "We're going to need semen samples from everything in this room." (Cartman)
- "You guys are playing detective. We're playing FBI. That gives us jurisdiction over you." ("Agent" Tucker)
- "I'm pullin' on my wiener, but nothing's happening." (Butters)
- "Oh my God! What kind of television have you kids been watching?!" (Old Lady)
- "Kenny, you got the F.A.G. on that perp in Washington?" (Cartman)
- "Now go sit on the toilet and tug on your weiner until white stuff comes out, then put it in this cup." (Cartman)
- "Cover me! I'm going slo-mo!" (Cartman)
- "I don't know how they do things down at that dog and pony show they call the fourth grade but here we have rules!" (Lt. Dawson)
- "Hey, Broflovski's a good cop!" (Cartman)
- "God damnit! Those junior detectives and their heroically reckless ways!" (Lt. Dawson)
- "I was up there poundin' my weiner for two days straight and then I finally thought of Stan's mom's boobs and this little tiny splooch of white stuff came out!" (Butters)
The pretend FBI kids, who try to out-muscle the boys' detective agency, and Sarah Peterson, the five year old girl who lost her dolly.
Lieutenant Dawson, with the Park County Police, as well as a few other crooked cops on the force.
We also meet the assorted strippers and staff of the nudey club Peppermint Hippo.
The Elderly Couple who proposition the boys with their pie mystery also make their debut. They will make several cameos in future episodes, including in "Grey Dawn" .
Numerous criminals, several cops, and boatloads of innocent bystanders are killed in practically every way possible -- guns, car crashes, plane crashes, explosions, and fire.
Behind The Scenes
Where Did The Idea Come From
The episode was done just at the time the televison series CSI was taking off. It also has its origins in Matt and Trey's youth, when both actually started their own pretend detective agencies.
Pop Culture References
The boys' elaborate descriptions of how they think events unfolded mirrors the bloody flashbacks so common on CSI. Their relationship with Lieutenant Dawson and the "crooked cops" also gives a nod to many cop action movies, such as Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop. Cartman and Kenny play "good cop, bad cop" while interrogating Butters -- another police tactic made popular by these films. We learned in "Toilet Paper" that Butters is quite susceptible to admitting guilt, even when innocent.
The Peppermint Hippo -- the skanky strip club where the boys are sent undercover -- is a parody of the famous strip joint Spearmint Rhino. The boys will visit it again with Chef in "The Return of Chef" .
- Gino, the mob-boss owner of the strip club, states that he is going to "start having the McKormicks make our meth again" -- possibly a reference to Kenny's family.
- After Stan demands he's in charge of the investigation, he's told, "Not any more you're not!" by the fake FBI Agent kid. This same line will be used later in this episode, as well as repeatedly in "The Snuke," where FBI and other government agencies try to out-rank one another.
- This is the first time we see Fosse's (the scraggily-haired kid) house; Fossie and Bill are, as usual, playing games and calling things "gay."
- We actually get to see all the boys naked when they "hit the showers" in the police locker room. This also gives us a pretty good view of a hoodless Kenny (from behind).