An author, television hostess and notorious stock trader, Martha Stewart likes to make everything clean and pretty and show other people how to do the same. Government agents sometimes try to talk to her but she insists to focus on her creations on television instead as a means of buying time. Among her show's most popular episodes involving demonstrating how to shove a Thanksgiving turkey up the anus and how to make the prettiest queefs. She later joined Tom Cruise and Rob Reiner's lawsuit against the town of South Park. It's a good thing.
- "Now, everyone knows that some foods are simple to shove up the ass - puddings, soups, raisins... this is a nice raisin pudding right here." (Red Hot Catholic Love)
- "Not right now, I just wanna focus on my turkey!" (Red Hot Catholic Love)
- "It's a lot of fun and interesting ways we can decorate our queefs and just make them more dynamic for the holidays." ([Eat, Pray, Queef]])
- "See how pretty that was? It's a good thing." ([Eat, Pray, Queef]])