Tom's Rhinoplasty (episode)
When Mr. Garrison has surgery, he's replaced by a substitute, the beautiful Ms. Ellen. Stan (and the rest of the boys) fall in love. Wendy is horrified. She takes matters into her own hands during an after-class heart-to-heart with Mrs. Ellen. She tells her, among a great many other things, that if she messes with Stan she'll " whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year." The next day Ms. Ellen announces that whomever gets the highest score on the next spelling test wins dinner with her. Later, in the cafeteria, Chef tells the boys that he's learned their teacher is a lesbian. They have no idea what that is, but if Ms. Ellen likes them, that's what they want to be. Told by Cartman's mom that lesbians like to "lick carpet," they spend hours on the floor, doing just that. Wendy tries to win Stan back by dressing like a tiny, eight-year-old version of the slutted-out Sandy from "Grease". But her plan derails when Ms. Ellen shows up wearing leather pants. Even worse, Mr. Garrison returns to announce that he's quitting teaching to "hang out and screw hot chicks." It seems his surgery -- a nose job -- worked out better than expected. When the bandages came off he looked exactly like David Hasselhoff. Ms. Ellen will replace him. Also, Stan got the high score on the spelling test and gets to have dinner with her. Finally, Principal Victoria tells Wendy that her grandma just died. But then, just as suddenly, things turn around. Mr. Garrison tires of being pursued by horny women and has his surgery reversed. Then a group of Iraqi soldiers burst into the school and grab Ms. Ellen, whom they say is a war criminal. She's taken back to Iraq, packed into a missile and shot into the sun. Wendy monitors her teacher's execution with great satisfaction during a pool party at her house. The attendees are a suspicious mix of the women who drove Mr. Garrison to reverse his operation, and the Iraqis responsible for capturing and killing Ms. Ellen. "I told her," Wendy says, laughing insanely. "Don't fuck with Wendy Testaburger!"
What I Learned Today
"Don't fuck with Wendy Testaburger."
- " Damn man, somebody's got to pull that monkey out of Wendy's ass." (Cartman)
- "I can't wait for Ms. Ellen to see what a raging lesbian I am!" (Stan)
- "Oh thank you very much, Kenny. This is a very scrumptious looking sausage." (Ms. Ellen)
- "When someone gets as old as you, do they have to wear Depends under-garments?" (Wendy)
- "Alright ,Wendy, seriously, you need to stop with this whole jealousy thing." (Cartman)
- "Wow! That's a pretty good nosejob!" (Mr. Garrison)
- "I've been licking this carpet for three hours and I still don't feel like a lesbian!" (Cartman)
- "Oh boy, I'm gonna need some more smack." (Mr. Garrison)
- "Are we making love yet?" (Stan)
Ms. Ellen, the boy's substitute teacher. Although she doesn't last long. Tom, the cosmetic surgeon at Tom's Rhinoplasty. Mrs. Kimble, she's the first of many women to get hot-and-bothered over Garrison's new nose job. She can be seen in many episodes as a background character.
Ms. Ellen. And of course Kenny, who is impaled on a sword that flies out of Ms. Ellen's hand as she tries to resist the Iraqis. Wendy gives Ms. Ellen a dead animal as a present.
Chef croons Ms. Ellen with his funky jam "No Substitute". It secures him a dinner date, but no love making.
Behind The Scenes
Pop Culture References
After his nose job, Mr. Garrison vomits when the movie Contact is mentioned. Also, the Andy Gibb song "Shadow Dancing" plays whenever Hasselhoff/Garrison appears. When trying to gauge Ms. Ellen's looks, Chef uses a scale of celebrities: "Is she like, Vanessa Williams beautiful or Toni Braxton beautiful? Or Pamela Anderson beautiful?" It's finally decided that she is: "Or is she Erin grey in the second season of 'Buck Rodgers' beautiful". When Ms. Ellen asks where Mr. Garrison left off, Cartman responds: "We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth was going out with that Richard Greico guy that used to be on '21 Jump Street', but then he got his own show for just a while." According to this, he stopped teaching right before he got to the show "Booker". During the opening credits guest star Natasha Henstridge, who voices Ms. Ellen, is referred to simply as "the chick from Species."
When Wendy shows up for class in her raunchy makeup and outfit, Cartman says "Wow, Wendy looks just like that chick from Grease, Elton John." David Hasselhoff, famous star of Baywatch and Night Rider. After Garrison's plastic surgery, pictures of his actual face are used. In their desperate attempt to become lesbians, Stan buys an "Indigo Girls" CD, which they listen to while licking the carpet.
Stan (if you count flashbacks) pukes 19 times in this episode. This is the first of three episodes in which Mr. Garrison will get major cosmetic surgery. In an effort to meet Ms. Ellen, Chef comes into the classroom saying Kyle left his detergent on the playground. He gives Kyle a box of "Whitey's Washing Detergent". Bebe goes to Wendy's house to give her a make-over. This is the first time they're seen hanging out together outside of school, and the first hint that they're friends. When the Iraqis arrive, one of the alien "drawings" on the back wall has blinking eyes. Wendy becomes the first female character to drop an F-bomb on the show.