A Very Crappy Christmas
- 1 Story
- 2 Characters
- 3 Locations
- 4 Original Songs
- 5 Behind The Scenes
- 6 Pop Culture References
- 7 Bonus Factoids
- 8 Season 4
After Mr. Hankey fails to show up on Christmas Day, Kyle leads Stan, Cartman and Kenny into the sewers to investigate. When they find him, Kyle questions him, stating that nobody seems to have the Christmas spirit anymore. Mr. Hankey reveals that he has not surfaced due to issues with his family: his dissatisfied alcoholic wife Autumn Hankey, and their children (which he calls "nuggets") Cornwallis Hankey, Amber Hankey and Simon Hankey. Cornwallis wears glasses, scarf, and hat; Amber wears a hair bow and a dress; and Simon has a peanut sticking out from the top of his head (which renders him as being not too smart).
The boys, along with Mr. Hankey's kids, attempt to revive the Christmas spirit by singing carols on the sidewalk, but are totally ignored. While they lament not getting any presents, Cornwallis begins to wonder about his significance in the world as a piece of poo.
While watching a Peanuts Christmas special, where Snoopy is seen beating a naked Charlie Brown with a board, the boys get the idea to create a short animation to show the townspeople at the local drive-in which they would call The Spirit of Christmas. With backing from Mayor McDaniels, worried about South Park's economic state, the boys set about using cut-out animation to create their cartoon.
Meanwhile, Cornwallis, who has sunk further into depression, reveals his feelings to his father, who comforts him by singing "The Circle of Poo". This shows how poo is the lifeblood of the whole planet, and the song even finishes with Mr. Hankey holding up Cornwallis atop a cliff. Rejuvenated, Cornwallis and the others begin preparing the dilapidated drive-in for the screening.
After Cartman accidentally destroys a frame of the cartoon and quits the project, and Kenny is run over by a car, Stan and Kyle proceed with the project themselves, with Stan dubbing Cartman's voice over (taking extra opportunities to poke fun at his weight in the meantime), Kenny being killed off in the cartoon as well, and sending their cut outs to get made in South Korea. Finally, the film is ready and the whole town gathers to see it, including Cartman, who joins in getting credit for the movie, and claims he never quit in the first place. Only a few seconds in, though, the film breaks up.
As everyone sits at home, forcing the children of South Park to celebrate a Christmas with no presents, Cornwallis and Mr. Hankey fix the projector and the film restarts playing. (The film is made using excerpts of The Spirit of Christmas aka "Jesus vs. Santa".) Upon seeing the film, the townsfolk finally come to realize that the true spirit of Christmas is commercialism, and rush to the shops for last minute presents. Finally content, the boys head off to open their presents, turning down an offer to make a TV series out of their film.
What I Learned Today
"It doesn't matter if you're Christian or Jewish or atheist or Hindu. Christmas is about one very important thing. Presents."
- "Hey! Merry Christmas, asshole!" Cartman
- "We're just gonna have to face that the commercialism has been sucked out of Christmas." Stan
- "How come everyone in cartoons has such big heads?" Stan
- "Goddammit it's Christmas and we're gonna be a happy family around the tree!" Autumn Hankey
- "We're just pieces of crap. Christmas isn't for us." Cornwallis Hankey
- "That is the sprit of Christmas. Commercialism. Because that's what makes our country work!" Randy Marsh
- "Kyle, I have a full day of watching TV tomorrow, I don't have time to go on a poo hunt right now, okay?" Cartman
- "Hey, you boys you boys wanna bet me I won't take off my clothes?" Autumn Hankey
- "You're the smartest piece of crap since Albert Poodinger!" Mr. Hankey
- "We got so caught up in the little things of Christmas like love and family That we almost forgot that it's buying things that makes our economy thrive." Diane Choksondik
Mr. Hankey's wife, Autumn, and their three little nuggets, Cornwallis, Amber and Simon. Autumn is an alcoholic who constantly complains about Mr. Hankey's impotence, while Simon is "slow" because he was born with a peanut in his head.
Kenny, run over by a car.
The tribal, poop-filled song "The Circle of Poo" (sung by Mr. Hankey and Cornwalis) teaches us all the critical importance of poop.
Mr. Hankey: Everything that lives on earth poos in some way And that's how the cycle happens each and everyday Just look at the green, green grass and the birds up in the sky It's all here because of poo and now I'll tell you why
Grass is eaten by the cattle Which is eaten by women and men It fuses with their body, and becomes poo again And that poo goes through the sewer Which is dumped into the sea And its eaten by the plankton which becomes the fishes meal.
When that bigger fish with the poo still inside Swims up near the shore and gets eaten alive By a grizzly bear that poos on a dead piece of sand So that it can spring to the life and become food for the land!
It's the poo of the antelope, the poo of the giraffe Which falls onto to the earth, and becomes the blades of grass The grass is eaten by the cattle, which comes out the other end To make poo for the humans, and start all over again.
You see son? You're not an insignificant part of life. You are life!
Cornwallis: But how can I be that giraffe and blade of grass and a human? I don't control what they do.
Mr. Hankey: Just like your heart beats without you thinking about it. So too, do your giraffes and humans do what they do, without you even thinking about it! But it is all one life form. It is all you.
Cornwallis: I think I see now (deep singing voice) So I'm the poo of the antelope, that flows onto the ground
Mr. Hankey: Which becomes the grass of tomorrow
Mr. Hankey: Which the critters turn around
Cornwallis: And I'm the leg of a leopard. And the wings of a hen.
Both: Which becomes dinner for the humans, and turn back to poo again. That's the circle, the circle of poooooooooooo.
Behind The Scenes
Actual snippets from The Spirit of Christmas are shown during the episode, though the original soundtrack (lifted without permission from various CDs) had to be changed. Also, Cartman's voice was so different in the old video that they invented the idea of Stan impersonating him to explain it
Where Did The Idea Come From
The show references The Spirit of Christmas, a 1995 video short that was one of the precursors to South Park. According to Matt and Trey, the problems the boys faced in making their film are exactly the same as the ones they had.
Pop Culture References
The boys decide to make their own Christmas special after watching A Charlie Brown Christmas and deciding that they or anyone, for that matter could do better. Also, Mr. Hankey sings an "inspirational" song called The Circle of Poo that's based on the Lion King number, The Circle of Life. Finally, the song Even A Miracle Needs A Hand is taken from an old 1974 Rankin-Bass special called T'was the Night Before Christmas. If you look closely, you can briefly see Kyle's face switch to the animation style from that 1974 special.
A poll on the TV news states that 38 percent of respondents were tired of Christmas, 5 percent were indifferent, and 57 percent said they would kick Bon Jovi square in the balls if given the opportunity.
As the boys discuss whether to make an animated film, scenes from A Charlie Brown Christmas can be seen on the TV in the background including a scene of Snoopy beating a naked Charlie Brown in the face with a board.
This was the first episode where we see Stan's black hair, even though we only saw part of his hair. He would later be seen fully without his hat with a full head of hair in How To Eat With Your Butt next season.
When Butters makes construction paper cut-outs of the boys, Cartman complains that he's been made too fat, and Kyle says, "They kind of look like us. I mean, Stan's got blue eyes and I've got a sharper nose."
The little nuggets all sing "Good King Wenceslas" while trying to spread Christmas cheer. Cartman is dressed up as Santa, while Kyle, Kenny, and Stan are dressed as reindeer. Even with all these festive costumes, no one cares.
Mr. Hankey's wife Autumn has fake boobs - they're made of silicorn.
In the Drive-In projection booth, there's a picture of Barbara Streisand hanging on the wall. We first meet her in "Mecha-Streisand".
- e1 Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000
- e2 The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000
- e3 Quintuplets 2000
- e4 Timmy 2000
- e5 Pip
- e6 Cartman Joins NAMBLA
- e7 Cherokee Hair Tampons
- e8 Chef Goes Nanners
- e9 Something You Can Do With Your Finger
- e10 Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?
- e11 Probably
- e12 Fourth Grade
- e13 Trapper Keeper
- e14 Helen Keller! The Musical
- e15 Fat Camp
- e16 The Wacky Molestation Adventure
- e17 A Very Crappy Christmas